Blog Baby

Parents Lie and Other news

- A new study claims that nearly 80% of parents admit to lying to their children.  Somewhere in the North Pole, Santa cries, then disappears.  That’s what happens when you don’t believe kids! 

- A recently posted Facebook poll asked members if President Obama should be assasinated.  It has since been pulled from the site, although several hundred people voted before action was taken.  Voting options were “yes,” “no,” “maybe,” “if he cuts my health care,” and “I’m a moron who doesn’t understand what’s appropriate on social networking sites and when the FBI finds me I’m gonna cry like a little girl.”

- Tufts University bans sex acts in dorm rooms while a roommate is present.  As opposed to hastily making this policy, couldn’t they have just tried the old hang-something-on-the-doornob-outside rule?  It’s tried and true at universities across the country!  Well, so I hear.

- Leaving your cell phone on during a Broadway performance is really bad.  Leaving it on during a Broadway performance with Wolverine and James Bond is really ultra bad.  Amateur video leaked of the incident shows Hugh Jackman a second away from tearing his shirt off as he asks “You gonna get that?” to the offender, while Daniel Craig glares into the audience before adding his own two cents.  Do I smell Tony Award?

Tips for Your Engagement Pics

It’s Wedding Season pretty much 24/7 these days…so with so many friends getting ready to tie the knot, why not give a few pointers on creating the perfect engagement photo?  For more, click here.

Your love makes me want to sleep in the ocean.

You know what they say…big feet…wait a minute…is that the GIRL??

Give me a big push toward our depressing life together!

Gigantic crotch shot = happy marriage

Kanye Ruins People's Moments

Want to cut and paste your own image in so Kanye can visually ruin your moment?  Visit here.

Random Musings

I wish these random thoughts were mine - because some are actually pretty funny.  Sadly, it was a nameless forward, so on second thought..they’re totally mine.

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Random Thoughts of the Day: 

I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option. 

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me. 

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. 

I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. 

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’twork? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boardsor FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft. 

There is a great need for sarcasm font. 

I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clearyour computer history if you die. 

Was learning cursive really necessary? 

Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”. 

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 

Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, allI hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”. 

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams upto prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! 

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road andinstinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart. 

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 

I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired. 

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t bea problem…. 

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection. 

There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you aregoing to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. 

“Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever. 

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure.

When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioni ng something shehasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some lightinternet stalking. 

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. 

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood. 

I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college. 

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit. 

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday orSaturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.